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Let’s Stop Preaching Self-Esteem–We Need Something Else

Instead, we need to be teaching self-efficacy.   January 30, 2022   Self-esteem relies on external approval. I hear, “You look great today!” and my self-esteem soars. But tomorrow, when I hear, “Hmm, “You cut your hair,” with no ‘it looks great’ follow through, my self-esteem plummets. “Oh no, it must look awful. I must …

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Today I Woke Up to the Present Moment

And I’m ready for it.   January 16, 2022   It happened last week. I had an epiphany. I’ve spent enough time with the past. I understand what happened, what it did to me, and where I need work. It’s time to stay firmly planted in the present. I’ve uncovered, explored, and to some degree, …

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Relationships Are Hard

But keep going even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard, because that’s how you grow up.   January 2, 2022   If I told you that my default is to think about running away when I’m frustrated, that would be true. But you wouldn’t begin to understand the depth of feeling that I want to …

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How to Make Decisions You Won’t Regret

Consider Three Things Before Doing Something Stupid.   December 19, 2021   You have a decision to make — and you want a guarantee it’s the right one. Intellectually you know that’s nuts, but emotionally you want it anyway. So, when you don’t get a guarantee, maybe you don’t decide anything. Or you figure, screw …

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Is Meditation Enough?

Without understanding, meditation practice can degenerate to profound self-absorption or escapism.   December 5, 2021   Many years ago, I had a first-time meet with a new client. He was excited about having been immersed in Buddhism and meditation for approximately six months. He asserted that he was now a completely different person, calm, peaceful, …

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How to Not Waste Another Year

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, decide how you want to feel.   November 21, 2021   Stasia Savasuk, presenter and internet style coach for everyday women, says the three top New Year’s resolutions in 2021 were: 1. Exercise more 2. Improve Diet 3. Lose Weight Then she says, guess what they were in 2020, …

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The Single Most Important Factor in Your Search for Love

It’s not about finding your soul mate.   November 7, 2021   Your partner is not you.   We all know them — couples who incessantly bicker about how things should be done. Or the ones who’ve given up, detached to China because they haven’t learned how to solve problems or deal with differences. Many relationships that matter to …

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How to Stop Sabotaging Your Ability to Change

Accept yourself just as you are.   October 24, 2021   That curious paradox — the only way we can change is to first accept ourselves just as we are — was identified by Carl Rogers, the father of humanistic psychology. Rogers spoke from personal experience. He wasn’t loftily trying to fix broken people. He was …

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