July 29, 2015
I sit in righteous indignation for the umpteenth time, warm in the feeling of superiority that comes after I’ve waxed poetic in my head about your many flaws and transgressions. Your behavior annoyed me and made me uncomfortable, so if I keep all my attention on you and your limitations, maybe I can put off looking at myself for a while longer. Maybe I can even find a way to shame you and make you feel so uncomfortable that I’ll feel a little better about myself.
Can you tell I had a rough couple of weeks?? It doesn’t seem to matter how much I work on self-awareness, I still fall into the trap of warring with anything or anyone that makes me feel uncomfortable.
And so it goes – this war. Every day this is how we add to the aggression in the world. We think it’s about them. The extremists and the politicians and the bankers. Those disagreeable friends or partners who won’t take no for an answer, or sibs or kids who just don’t get it. They need to clean up their acts so we can stop feeling uncomfortable.
Now that is suffering–waiting for someone else to change so that I can experience peace. Thankfully, I can nurture and water the other side if I choose to. I’m profoundly grateful that there always seems to be ‘the other side’. I can put my attention on something I can change. I can catch myself sooner when I go there. I can take more responsibility for what I do with my reactions. I can blame less and step up more.
I can’t stop the aggression in the rest of the world but I can be more awake and aware of the wars I’m starting in my very own back yard.
In the next post I’ll talk a bit more about how to support that process of being more awake and aware. Today my intention is simply to enlighten myself, not you or them. And with that peaceful intention I’m moving into a day that looks brighter and feels warmer.