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Best reframe ever?

September 28, 2015

One of the most over-used and least effective phrases in use today may be ‘let it go’.  I don’t even get how that’s possible.  When someone is sharing a challenge that seems to be keeping them stuck, and they say to me, ‘I just need to let it go’ my irreverent thought is usually, ‘Good luck with that!’.  Seriously, does that ever work??

What makes sense to me, what has worked over and over, is to ‘let it be’.  I think that means stop arguing with reality.  I’m facing an unpleasant situation.  It’s real.  I don’t like it.  I feel bad.  That’s real.  I don’t have to fight with any of that.  I can literally see the reality of it and leave it at that.  And then, rather than waiting for it to be gone, if there’s something I want to do about it, I can do that.  If I wait to move until I’ve let it go, I might be sitting in the same spot for an eternity.

It’s a little like the Chinese toy where you stick your fingers in each end.  It gets tighter with every attempt to let it go by pulling your fingers out.  But if you just let it be, exactly as it is, you can gently extract one finger and then the other, and move on.  As soon as you apply force, you’re stuck more and more firmly.

So next time you’re confronted with a reality that you think you can’t stand, acknowledge your reaction, give it the respect it deserves, and move forward even if you’re still carrying a bit of it with you.  Let it be.  You don’t need to wait to act till you’ve let it go!

Much love,


  1. Jeff Rabin says:

    My father taught me and I taught my kids, “what is, is” — same concept and very empowering when you realize that it’s followed by choice – our choi c e how to respond.

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