January 9, 2012
OMG! It’s 5am. Give me a break, mind! I’ve already come up with my words for 2012. Isn’t that enough!!??**
Apparently not, because since that thought crossed my mind, it seems to be planted pretty firmly. It’s not going anywhere. I relax, breathe, and gently let it go. And there it is, again, a few minutes later.
My intentions morph like the weather. I have an intention to relax, and then someone needs something. I have an intention to work really hard and accomplish something meaningful, and then my mind and body respond with intense lethargy. I have an intention in the morning to go to a sitting meditation class that evening, and then it’s 8 pm and I realize I totally forgot my morning intention and the class is over.
So here’s where I am with the idea of where I stand and what I intend. It’s a bigger picture situation than I’d like it to be. I’d like a nice tidy answer that will make me feel comfortable and finished with it, and I want it now.
When I look back over 2011, I recognize that each of my primary intentions for the year–to live with courage, to not leave any loving thing unsaid, and to keep to myself as many of the unloving thoughts as possible–were expressed to some degree. Certainly not perfectly. But more than I would have if I hadn’t thought about who I want to be, and then set those intentions.
Today, this moment, I stand for walking the talk. I stand for being as present as I possibly can in each and every moment, so that I have fewer regrets than I had yesterday around leaving anything that matters undone. And I stand for that being enough, until it isn’t.