July 20, 2012
Lately I’ve been taking some big risks. I’ve been trying really hard to practice what I preach. In every area of my life. WHAT A TRIP!!! (Not implying accomplishment here–note the word ‘trying’.)
Today I want to talk about my experiences with identifying, taking responsibility for, and expressing feelings. What does that have to do with blame, you ask? Well, the trick is to do all that–identify, take responsibility for, and express feelings–without blaming somebody else for them. Personally, I find this quite challenging since finding somebody to blame seems to be my automatic default position when I’m triggered. (And by triggered, I mean my reaction to things as small as somebody looking at me funny. I’m serious here!)
Here’s what I’m learning. My feelings aren’t the enemy. Turns out that when I drop the blame component, my feelings can become a vehicle for transformation. They become a rich source of information, rather than weapons that keep me ‘right’ and lonely. My feelings tell me when I need to change something, or take responsibility for something, or see something I wasn’t seeing. Sometimes they’re simply information and sometimes they’re guides, but in my experience, they have never served me when I make them weapons.
So I’m wondering if you’re having a hard time identifying, owning or expressing any feelings because you’re still thinking that somehow, some way, somebody else is to blame for them? If you can find that hidden ‘it’s their fault’, and drop it, it might be an adventure to see if your feelings become something you can use rather than something to be afraid of.
I’d really love to hear if you too have had experiences with the blame game.