April 3, 2012
As many of you know, I recently left the security of a 9 to 5 job with a bi-weekly paycheck. That decision has opened the door to a variety of blog topics that weren’t even on my radar when I was guaranteed a steady income and going in to the same place at the same time every morning. I suspect something about that regularity gave me a (false?) sense of security that lately seems to disappear in about a nannosecond.
Last night I had a melt-down after spending hours trying to figure out financial record-keeping for my business. So today’s blog is about what I’m learning about how I handle change. I’ve learned that when I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing, my emotional default move is to feeling pathetic. I know, HUGELY unattractive isn’t it?!
A wise friend of mine once told me that a guy would use the word incompetent for the default place he
goes to when he screws up. So whether you’re male or female, find the word for that place you go to when you’re feeling like an ass.
And then consider this. Feeling pathetic or incompetent doesn’t mean that we are!! Or that we have to act out of that feeling. The moment that distinction became clear with the light of day, I sort of magically morphed from feeling small, and frightened, and angry at myself and the world, into a woman who is very capable of figuring things out.
I remembered that I have a network of friends and service providers who are experts at what they do. Which means I don’t have to be an expert at everything. And if I haven’t met the expert I need today, he or she is out there somewhere just waiting for me to find them. It’s okay that I don’t know! Knowing everything about everything isn’t my path. I get to benefit from the expertise of all these amazing people, which means I can focus on getting better at what I am an expert at. (Which still seems to be unfolding…)
Anyway, my point is that this career transition of mine has poked at places that haven’t been poked at in a long time, if ever. It’s uncovering parts of me that are not at first blush my favorite things about myself. At the same time, by letting them see the light of day, by making friends with them, they seem to very quickly morph from big hairy monsters into little annoying gremlins. Annoying gremlins can be handled. And occasionally, like this morning, I’m noticing that when I drop the resistance, opportunities arise where a moment ago there were only gremlins.
Anybody else working on making friends with parts of yourself that aren’t necessarily your faves?
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